FTF: Grief Covered In Grace (Part Three)

A short re-cap from the last 'Grief Covered In Grace Post' ...

To people looking on the outside, I appeared as normal. I was happy, fun, encouraging, loving; but on the inside I felt near dead. It's so much easier to put on a face, then it is to let down your guard and confess the truth to others of what's really going on inside.

So, what was the truth?  

The Continuing Story ...

I was lost. I was grieving. I was in denial. I was hit for a six when the most beautiful, purposeful stage of my life to date, came to an extremely fast end. Like a blur. I would talk to my close friends about this, and they would comfort me but not really knowing how to all the same. The loss grew and the grief just would not leave.

I had countless amounts of arguments with my husband telling him his choice was wrong. Telling (OK, screaming at) him that he'd not thought it through enough (this is far from the truth with any huge decision my husband makes). My grief, becoming sin, was eating me alive and I was destroying everyone in my family along with me.

I found that to a point I even held my children at a distance. I would 'count my blessings', then want more blessings, and then the pain would start all over again. I've lost count of how many times I cried myself to sleep. Lost count of how many times I just thought it easier to give up and stay in bed all day.

What made it hard to move forward was not knowing 'where' to head; what direction to go? I had not studied, not worked really anywhere that I knew I would enjoy returning to. I just felt lost, alone and like I was treading water. I knew that God was faithful, that He'd not left me, but I just couldn't move forward. I didn't want to. I wanted my comfort zone back.

And that, was my first lesson. I was looking at what I wanted. What about what was best for my husband? My children? I thought I was thinking about them and their needs, but I was convincing myself that it would 'surely be good' for them too? Steve is the one to provide the finances, how much more pressure would it be for him? Can I put that pressure on him? Can I have less time with our relationship, when we are already not getting enough now? Could I really split myself between six children and still have all their needs met well? The answers to these questions, for me, is 'no'.

It's been said, and is well known, that motherhood teaches you what you're made of. This period of grief in motherhood has taught me so many lessons that I don't think I could have learnt as well through another means. I have learnt to trust that my husband really does consider my best interests; he does value my opinions, thoughts and concerns; that he really loves his children and wants to give them his best, but that he will still always take matters to God in prayer and then decide, even if that means I hear 'no'.

I have learnt that God really is my everything. He is my stability, my source of comfort and understanding. I now know why I could not really have the full understanding of others throughout this whole process, why I felt so alone through it all; it's because I needed to be healed by God and God alone. 

This was His lesson for me. I know me, and if I had have had even one person who fully or even slightly understood my grief, then I would have been less inclined or not as diligent in seeking the face of God. He is my everything. I began intensely seeking His face and searching for truth to cling to. Some hope. Some assurance that the next 'un-known' stage of my life was going to be just as beautiful, maybe even more, as the one that came to an end.

He gave me the most amazing assurance and hope from His Word.

Isaiah 48:17  This is what the Lord says - your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: " I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go".

Isaiah 41:10  So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 42:9   See, the former things have taken place, and new things I declare; before they spring into being I announce them to you.

Isaiah 26:3   You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you (NLT)

Isaiah 44:8   DO not tremble; do not be afraid, Did I not proclaim my purposes for you long ago? You are my witnesses - is there any other God? No! There is no other Rock - not One!

Isaiah 46:3   "Listen to me, you descendants of Jacob, all the remnant of the people of Israel, you whom I have upheld since your birth, and have carried since you were born. Even to your old age and grey hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you. (There is also Isaiah 55:8-12)

I have no idea why all of these verses are from Isaiah. For a time of about 6 months or more it was like the book of Isaiah was the only book in the Bible! Almost every message from our Pastor, or guest speakers, devotional books, Bible studies etc., even when I went to Hillsong Conference, the speakers were speaking from Isaiah! Maybe one day I'll understand the significance of 'Isaiah', maybe I won't. But, I knew then (and still now) it was God comforting me and speaking words of truth and life into my heart and mind, when I just couldn't do that for myself.

I've learnt that when I am weakest, He truly is strong. His grace is all-sufficient. There is no way in my own capabilities that I would have been able to get myself back on the right path. In fact, I tried so hard to do it on my own. And it did more damage than good. It made me bitter, angry, distant, unforgiving, selfish, cruel, self-righteous and self-justifying, and very hard to be around at times. I knew I couldn't drag myself out, only get myself further into the pit that was my reality.

During the times when I just couldn't put the words together into substantial prayers, I began praying  what I now affectionately call 'one-liners'. Prayers like, "Please don't leave me where I'm at" "Help me to trust you more" "Please forgive my bitter anger" "Help me to see Steve's heart" "Please show me the next step". This was another beautiful lesson for me - that God doesn't require long prayers to go to work in our lives. He saw my heart. He saw that I knew I couldn't stay in this damaging place, nor could my husband and children. He knew I was crying out for His help because I couldn't do it alone; and He was so incredibly faithful.

He brought me to the end of myself, to the point where I really had to stand in faith and know that He had me, he held me, he was not going to let me go. Just the other week as I was driving the long stretch of country road back home, I was pondering on how I feel like I am exiting a very long, narrow tunnel. I had just driven out of the end of it. It was so vivid. 

Things were clearer. I saw that I had to make some decisions about the future. Would I study now?  Would I just find part time work in a fast food restaurant? Would I become a famous author? (Okay, that was a definite daydream ... I still have to finish my writing course ;) ) There are some new possibilities that I can look at, while still being a wife and mother to four kids! He's helping me to see the beauty of the stage to come.

To be continued ...

FTF: Grief Covered In Grace (Part Two)

A Short re-cap from last week ...
It was only a short period of about five and a half months that we shared together as nine-teen and twenty year old ‘newly-weds’ before our first child, a son, was born (2002). I instantly fell in love with him and his squidgy baby cheeks, long dangly legs and arms and sweet nature. I fell in love with motherhood. I had found my purpose.

 

The continuing story ...
However, being so young, I was unsure in many ways as to how to raise a child apart from feeding and keeping him safe and clean. I knew very little about teaching morals and standards, values and beliefs into a child (even though we had been raised well in these areas).

We committed to a parenting course run by two of our (still to this day) closest friends, who mentored, guided and sometimes (actually most times) dragged us through the early years of parenting and marriage! Our parents and extended families continued to be an amazing support and encouragement and this blessed us immensely. Through the parenting course I began to love teaching my son. Showing him skills, sharing values and morals to him, connecting with his heart.

Our second child was born, our first girl, app. 2 years and 7 months after our son (2004), and we both fell in love with this beautiful little bundle that looked like a porcelain doll with red rose bud lips. She was divine (she really was even though I am ridiculously biased!) And so my heart filled with more love and more purpose and more satisfaction.

Even after horrendous times of struggling with post-natal depression after each birth, I was ecstatic to find out our third child, another girl, was on her way! (2007) Right from the start this little miss has been determined, delicate, sweet and stunning. Another heart to love.

Travel a few hundred kilometres to a new town in the country, our first home away from parents, and we experience a miscarriage at the ten week mark. I was devastated. It just didn’t seem like it was reality. I thought that that was it; there would be no more children for us.

God is amazingly patient, faithful, compassionate and loving towards his children. He healed our hearts over time and helped us move forward. It was the most precious, beautiful and wonderful moment when we found out (after a massive snot-sobbing prayer to God asking him for one more child, and if he could please let it be a boy with brown eyes like me! Not too hard right?!), that I was expecting our fourth child. Little did I know that I was already pregnant with our last boy, as I sobbed that night (2009). And yes, his eyes are brown! Four little people to love, mould and raise in the knowledge and ways of the Lord. To nurture, enjoy and live life with. He has been so very good to us.

So needless to say I have spent the better part of almost 12 years having, feeding and raising our four babies. So, in that doctors surgery that day I began to panic. And I entered into a very long hard period of denial and grief not long after this point. How could it be finished so fast? How could my time growing babies, nurturing babies and little people have wizzed by so incredibly fast? Surely we should have two more? After all, I have their names picked and everything!

I spent the next four years in a state of confusion, grief and a lot of the time, unbearable pain. I still cannot believe how much it hurt to know that I was not going to be having any more children of my own. I felt as if someone had cut off my arms and legs and expected me to function as normal. What was normal? I didn't know anything outside of high school except the incredible pleasure of motherhood.

I struggled with thinking, "You're being so ungrateful and so discontented. Be satisfied with what God's given you". I am thankful beyond words! I am not so naïve to not know that there are countless amounts of incredible women out there who cannot have children of their own after so many attempts at conception. I am completely aware that there are also mothers out there who are lacking in the care and provision they give to their growing amount of children.

I would say to my husband, "I know I'm still a mother. I know I am blessed. I can see God's hand of blessing abundantly in my life but I just can't not have any more kids!" I would become angry and bitter with my husband when he would tell me he was completely at peace with the decision. How can he be so content with his life going on all happy as usual while my life is continual pain?

To people looking on the outside, I appeared as normal. I was happy, fun, encouraging, loving; but on the inside I felt near dead. It's so much easier to put on a face, then it is to let down your guard and confess the truth to others of what's really going on inside.

So, what was the truth?  

 

To be continued ...

FTF: Grief Covered In Grace (Part One)

Don’t do it! Don’t do it! God you’re going to have to give me something right here right now to stop me from jumping up in the middle of this Doctors surgery and screaming out "STOP!" at the top of my lungs!

I was reading ‘A Wife after God’s Own Heart’, by the amazing Elizabeth George, and I needed a confirmation verse that what was just about to happen was the right decision to make. I opened the book to page 49, and my eyes immediately fell on the words that read, ‘and the Lord had closed her womb’.

My husband was getting a Vasectomy.

We had discussed and wrestled and argued and prayed and came to the conclusion that our four blessings were the amount that we were to receive from God. I thought I was o.k. with all of this; logically thinking, four was a ‘big’ number to be responsible for and provide for financially, emotionally, individually etc. And after that confirmation verse, I thought that I probably shouldn’t argue with Gods direct answer to my desperate plea!

And everything went along smoothly and she lived happily and sanely ever after …

… yeah right!

Let’s backtrack a tad shall we? Before motherhood (B.M.), I was not long out of high school and had no clue at all what it is I wanted to ‘do’ with my life in terms of further study or career. I held a few part-time jobs; Woolworth's check-out chick, working at a Jewellers, Domino’s Pizza, then there was also a discount store where I worked for a while as a service cashier.

As you can see, my jobs were extremely glamorous and full of creative potential. They certainly were not going to give me a sense of long-term purpose, that’s for sure. I momentarily entertained the thought of studying teaching, but then I met a guy. The guy. After our dating days were beautifully concluded by our official engagement days commencing, we decided we would take matters into our own hands and begin being intimate with each other before we were wed. And I fell pregnant.

Why am I sharing this? To heap condemnation on myself and my husband again for past sins? No, I know we are, I am, he is, forgiven. And praise be to God that He really makes all things work together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

 

We asked for forgiveness (from many people we had disappointed as well as God), bought our wedding date forward, and decided then and there together, it was God’s way or no way. We were forgiven, but we now had bigger things to think of and the responsibility of parenting came much quicker than what we had foreseen. Opportunities for any extra study or career finding were now the last things on our minds. The options were gone.

It was only a short period of about five and a half months that we shared together as nine-teen and twenty year old ‘newly-weds’ before our first child, a son, was born (2002). I instantly fell in love with him and his squidgy baby cheeks, long dangly legs and arms and sweet nature. I fell in love with motherhood. I had found my purpose.

 

To be continued ...

 

I'll be posting the rest of my story in the next few weeks of 'Faith Talk Friday'. I was going to put it all in one post, but it's just way too long. For me, there was no point in telling of the goodness of God in my life in this situation, if I had to condense it and leave out parts that are most important.

 

I hope you'll join me next week. I hope that in sharing this story, you'll be encouraged with any situation that seems helpless in your life.

(I am linking up with Michelle DeRusha in her 'Hear it on Sunday, Use it one Monday' posts, where you will find a community of women who share their lessons from the Lord ... be encouraged!) 

FTF: String and A Bag Full of Rocks

I don't usually post two posts in one day.

But, today, I think there is someone out there who needs to hear what I've been learning along the way. We aren't that separated, even though by distance, we are still made of the same essence; our issues in life are common. 

 

I hope what you read here today gives hope to your heart.

 

*******

Lord, sometimes there are so many distractions going through my mind.

 

Distractions that can consume my thoughts and cloud my vision.

 

I see string; mixed up, knotted together, becoming useless for the purpose for which it was made. This knotted string hinders.

 

Hinders me from the here and now. From moving forward.

 

Distracts from the laughing; the way the warmth of his manly skin soothes me in his embrace; to look into the eyes of four little blessings and really see.

 

I can lay in bed at night thinking through all this tangled mess and trying to see how it all fits together. Try to separate it all out. I can think on these things until they become a strangling rock-filled sack around my heart; weight too cumbersome to move forward.

 

What do you really want me to see?

What is it that will make all these tunnel-visioned distractions move aside to see what's really important and necessary to life?

 

You want me to see You.

 

You want me to see that You are the only One who will take that hindrance mess and smooth it out; untangle the strands.

You are the only one to take that burden bag and empty it right out; scattering its contents, till it's hold on my heart is released.

My focus needs to be You. For by focussing on You and You alone, everything else becomes clearer. Everything is noticed. Everything is cause to give thanks. To rest in knowing that by You and through You and for You all things hold together.

 

Even string.

 

Your grace and Your beauty is seen in every second of the day.

 

Eyes looking at you means eyes are free to really see.

 

Free to see truth, the things of real value and worth, the steps to take, the path to navigate.

 

Take the string and the bag Lord and do with it what You will.

 

Amen.

 

 

(All photographs are the property of Sufficient Grace please do not copy in any way, thanks)

FTF: Cynthia Heald Study Number Three

Well our small study group is on to our third of Cynthia Heald's studies for the year! I think it's very safe to say that we enjoy her teaching very much! We are now going through, "Becoming a Woman of Freedom". If you haven't tried one of her studies yet and you want to, then get started! You won't be disappointed!

 

 

We are up to chapter four next week. So far, chapters one to three have been amazing. Full of Biblical truth, encouragement and opportunity for growth. I've really enjoyed being in a group while doing all these studies as it's so amazing to hear what God is doing in the lives of my friends and also to hear their perspective and what God's been teaching them. The fellowship of discussing and answering the questions together has really drawn more out of this study for all of us.

 

 

Here are the topics covered in this study:

• Laying Aside Hindrances: Running with Freedom
• Laying Aside the Old Self: Running with the New Self
• Laying Aside the Past: Running with an Eternal Perspective
• Laying Aside Pleasing People: Running with Fellowship
• Laying Aside Bitterness: Running with Forgiveness
• Laying Aside Busyness: Running with Rest
• Laying Aside Anxiety: Running with Peace
• Laying Aside Doubt and Fear: Running with Faith and Trust
• Laying Aside the Flesh: Running with the Spirit

 

I am really enjoying getting deeper into the Word through this study. It has revealed areas in my life that are still needing God's gracious work in, and I'm thankful that He brings these things to my attention lovingly and tenderly and He then helps me learn the lessons.

 

If you are wanting a really beautiful, Biblically accurate and challenging study, then any of Cynthia's would be great for you. Her studies are so good for getting to know our amazing God and Saviour even more deeply.

 

Be sure to let me know if you've started one of her studies and what you think about them!

 (Linking up with 'A Wise Woman Builds Her Home' for more encouragement for you!)



Faith Talk Friday: Another Brilliant Cynthia Heald Bible Study

Well I have just completed another of Cynthia's studies with our little Monday morning Bible study group, and needless to say, it was fabulous! This study taught on the topics of God's Purpose for Himself, for us collectively and for me uniquely. It has been a blessing. Once again Cynthia adds many personal experiences and life lessons, scriptures and quotes, that add such richness and value to the truth that she teaches into the hearts of women.

 

These are some of my favourite truths that I have learnt through this study:

• God's choice of me is the basis of my view of myself. If the sovereign, majestic God of the universe lovingly and personally called me to Himself, then I am valuable, precious and loved because of that calling.
• Gods ways are not our ways, but His ways are always right, always for His glory and always for our good.
• It is in waiting that we are able to sense God's prompting to do something or just keep waiting.
• It is enough for me to know that God has called me and that He is continually working everything for His good purposes in my life.

I think that's enough to share, or I'll just keep writing out the whole book! I will say though, that the quotes in this study, particularly by Oswald Chambers, are simply amazing. We all agreed that we could have just stopped and 'delved into' some of these quotes and learnt so much just from them alone!

 

If you are wanting a challenging, yet refreshing study I highly recommend this study. Very highly recommend it. It is life-giving and God-inspired.

Here is an excerpt about the study taken from Cynthia's website:

 

Women sometimes wonder, "Who am I? Why am I here?" While society emphasises wealth, success, and the pursuit of pleasure, the truth is that we are created by God in His image, and our fulfilment is found in pursuing His purposes for us. This study will guide you to a better understanding of your identity, God's will, and His intended purpose for you.

 

Please be sure to let me know if you are working through these studies too, or have done in the past. I would love to hear from you! It's good to join together and encourage each other in the truths we learn!

 

The next study we are beginning is on the 'Names of God'. I'm a bit excited as this is an area I know I've only just begun to comprehend! God is just so good, so faithful and full of unending love for us.

 

I hope you're having such a blessed week.

Faith Talk Friday: Daring to Dream

She is 75 years old. She is a fighter; a woman of God who has chosen to love the unlovely. Her name? Jan. I met her at a Church ladies night that we recently had.

The guest speaker, Pastor Francine Hunt's, message was called:

 

"You are a gift with gifts"

 

Francine said, "God puts a dream in our hearts and it is revealed in time".

 

Are there dreams you have but have put on the shelf?

Dreams that burn within you because you know that they are such a part of who you are and who you've been made to be?

Dreams that you would so desperately love to achieve but can't see any possible way to do it?

 

To have dreams is to have hopes and cherished aspirations.

 

She encouraged us to allow God to lead us into our dreams. 

To dare to dream. Dare meaning to step out and take a risk. To put fear where it belongs, behind us. To be sensitive to the heart of God. To say 'yes' every day to what He asks us to do. To be attentive to His voice, because when I am sensitive to His voice - it softens who I am.  

Part of going after our dreams is also to 'watch our language'. Not necessarily swearing (although that is not how we should speak), but watching what we say to and about ourselves. "I'm just not capable", "I'm too ugly", "I'm way too old for that now", "I just can't get past this point ..." If we are wanting to reach our dreams, then we can't be negative .

 

Sometimes our dreams are lived out in slightly different ways than what we first imagined.

Jan has been beaten, strangled, stolen from and verbally abused many times. As a little 3 year old girl growing up in the war, she lived her young life surrounded by uniformed men. She recalled these days with such a beautiful smile on her face, "We always had soldiers in our home. They would play their mouth organs, and their violins and organs and it was just wonderful!"

 

She went on to share how even at that young age she knew she wanted to be out as a nurse, helping the injured on the front-line and bringing them back to a place of safety. She re-realised this dream only when she was eighteen and this dream was lived out in a very different way than she originally thought it would be.

 

As she grew older she began to see the need to help heroine addicts and other drug addicts and to help alcoholics. And not just by going to them, but by having them in her home. Some of these people she still sees and has a lovely bond with even now, some thirty years on. She realised that she was in fact fulfilling the dream God gave her all those many years ago to help the sick and needy and nurse them to a safe place into a relationship with Jesus.

It's cost her dearly, this dream.

 

But through it all she looked me square in the eyes and said, "God still had lessons for me to learn. It has all been worth it and I am amazed by just how much He loves us!"

Tears welled up in this beautiful woman's eyes and she choked on her words of sincere praise. This is a woman who has lived out her dreams and experienced God powerfully in them. She inspired me.

 

She is moving towns as soon as her house sells. She's not familiar with this new town. She's not aware of why God is having her move there. She is just obeying His leading.

Oh to have such faith and such willing obedience.

 

To go after my dream, to go after your dream, with such a zeal and determination and persistence that nothing will stop us! Even if it comes at a high cost!

 

We can be women of influence in our homes, our communities in our churches by listening and obeying God when He leads us. We can achieve our dreams, even though they may to us seem hugely unachievable. If it's Gods dream in us, we can be sure He'll make it happen.

 

Don't give up on your dream, beautiful friend! Please just don't give up. This world needs you to do what God has made only you to do. Seek His face, ask Him for leading and direction if you need to, but just don't ever let your dreams stay on that shelf!

 

Remember: God puts a dream in our hearts and it is revealed in time.

 

 So long as breath remains in our lungs, untapped potential lies inside us, waiting to be released. The reason we are still alive is that we are carrying something inside us that this generation needs. That’s why we’re not yet in heaven. –Wayne Cordeiro.

 

Your dream is beating in your chest. Do you feel it? -Bruce Wilkenson.

 

 

Psalm 37:4 ESV     

Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

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Faith Talk Friday: You Are Loved

It's on my heart to remind you that you are so loved. You really are. Despite what you've done, or what you haven't done. Despite the fact that you feel you may never have your parents acceptance of you. Regardless of your stuff ups and your failures. Even though you may have just yelled at the kids again, disrespected your husband, angered your boss. In spite of your fear and doubt.

Even if you've stopped following His path for you.

 

His love for you never ends. Ever.

He is quick to forgive and abounding in compassionate love. He is ready to equip us and help us live lives that better honour Him. There is nothing in this world that can ever separate you from His love. And there's nothing that He withheld to show His love to you.

 

I wonder if we would take a few minutes each day to silence that voice in our heads that tells us we are unworthy, unlovable. To rid our minds of those lies. To soak into our thinking the truth. The never-changing truth.

 

We are loved and His love for us is perfect!

 

Would we become more effective? A little bit freer? More confident?

 

More secure in knowing that we are really truly loved and that His love pursues us. You are loved. I am loved. We are so beautiful to Him. God's Word is full of truth that we need to read to remodel our warped thinking of ourselves, our situations, our fears, our everything.

 

His Word is life and eternal hope, and at the very core of His Word is His beautiful,

time-less,  grace-filled message: He loves us. He loves you.

 

 

 

 (Linking up with these lovely blogs for you to enjoy!)

Faith Talk Friday: Tuning In

“Lack of direction, not lack of time, is the problem. We all have twenty-four hour days.”
― Zig Ziglar

 

I've been pondering again lately. Thinking about paying attention and tuning in. There are so many things that fight for my attention, so many things that require my concentration.

 

While cooking dinner the other night, I had a moment where I 'snapped back' to reality as I realised that the whole time my son had been speaking to me, I was daydreaming about writing. It was a great daydream too, I had some great ideas floating around in there! Then I thought that regardless of how great those ideas were, my son needed me to listen and I should've tuned in to his needs in that moment.

 

This brain of mine gets so easily distracted (as I'm sure every woman's brain does!) and so I find myself having to be purposeful in tuning in to the most important things. To practise tuning in. To make sure I actually stop my mind from wandering, or my hands from being so busy, or my heart from being lead astray by emotions, and really tune in to the right things at the right time.

 

Are we missing what's important right now for things that can wait till later?

 

Here's some things we could enjoy that we would otherwise miss if we don't tune in ...

 

• realising just how good our husbands are to us (and thanking him)
• discovering the individual world of our children that they want to share with us
• many kisses and cuddles
• seeing when your husband needs some encouragement and love
• enjoying the beautiful world that God has made
• seeing little hands at work
• their smiles of love and adoration
• getting to really know the hearts of those you love
• making memories that will last eternally
• seeing each new day as an opportunity to show Christ in everything
• being a listening ear to someone who just needs someone to relate to
• inspiration for our talents and hobbies that is everywhere
• to write that card to that person who needs encouragement
• laughing until our stomachs ache with our husband and children
• opportunities to make an impact in even one persons heart for today

 

These are some things that are not so nice, but still important to tune into ...

• when there is sin in our lives that keeps us from knowing God that should be dealt with
• when there is sin in our children's hearts that needs addressing
• when we have wronged someone and need to ask for forgiveness and apologise
• when we keep putting off prayer and reading His word
• when we need to deal with past hurts that are holding us back for the future
• when we need to forgive someone who's wronged us

I'm sure you could add more to both these lists, but the most important thing that we miss out on when we are too distracted is being tuned into the voice of God. Hearing His direction, wisdom, guidance and comfort.

 

So, in an effort to 'tune in' more myself each day, I've have been taking photos (surprise surprise!) of the things I've enjoyed ... although, some I've kept to myself too ;)

 

 

 
 

 

    

 

  

 

What little moments have you loved tuning into this week?

 

Faith Talk Friday: I say "No Longer"

Because we are imperfect human beings, we can get so discouraged in our hearts, in our circumstances, in our day-to-day lives, in our workplaces, in our families. It's a discouragement that leaves us feeling like we've fallen down into a black bottomless pit. Falling, falling, always falling. Been there? Feeling like there's no possible way out; like there's nothing anybody can do to make things ok? I have many times.
 

 

It's actually ridiculous the amount of times that I have been so close to giving up. So close to throwing in the towel; whether it be in my marriage, my mothering, keeping this house, serving in church, my own personal dreams and goals, supporting extended family members. By nature I am prone to discouragement and negativity. Prone to depression and fear. This is my old self, the one that I am constantly up against and constantly trying to whip into line with the truth my God and Saviour speaks to me.

 

It's the ugly self that satan uses to flaunt my weaknesses and how pathetic he thinks I am in front of my face. He's harsh, and sometimes, I believe Him. I really do. I hear that voice in my ear that tells me 'I'm never going to achieve this or that'; that 'I'll never be able to victoriously move through difficult situations or times of grief'; I'm 'never going to be able to change this or that'; that 'I'm never going to be beautiful'; that  'the hurt won't heal'; that 'I'll never be able to even come before my God in prayer, because you know how you just behaved Elisha, and you're now so unworthy of even showing your face in His presence'. He is persistent.

 

But  (I love that there's a but) ...

 

... God's love is relentless. It's only Him who gets me through anything. I am learning that prayer is so overwhelmingly powerful. It is what holds me together. Have you ever gotten to the point where you just know that you know, that there is no way in this whole wide world that you can ever be the mother, the wife, the friend, the Christ-follower you long to be without Him helping you do it? Without Him sustaining your every effort, your every thought, action, prayer, dream, path, everything?

 

This is that point where we refuse to let satan have his way with us any longer. To flaunt that old self in front of us in condemnation. We are told over and over again that God has won victories for us, He has overcome, He loves us to no end, His plans are only for our good, that nothing can separate us from His love, that we are the head and not the tail, that He is the beginning and the end, that He will finish the good work that He has begun in us, that He alone is faithful, that He leads and guides us, that He gives us His wisdom, that He forgives and forgets our confessed sins, that we are white as snow, that we have the authority of Jesus Christ, that we are friends of Christ, that we are more than conquerors.

 

 

 

Can you see where I'm going with this? Do you believe it? We are not living a life that is controlled by the enemy. We are living a life that overcomes the enemy because Christ has already defeated him. We are living a life that is led and governed by our great and mighty Father and beautiful women, we must start standing up and saying to the enemy 'no longer.' No longer will you hold me bound in a life of fear. No longer will you tell me I can't pray because of my sin. No longer will you tell me my marriage is hopeless. No longer will you tell me my child will never change. No longer will I listen to your filthy, vile whisperings in my ear. My heart is not yours. My life is not yours. My family is not yours. My future is not yours. Nothing I have is yours, you do not own me, you cannot harm me, I am no longer going to allow to you hold me back in this life. No longer am I going to live a life that is second rate because you are wanting to steal from me, harm and attempt to kill and destroy me. You are not going to hold me back any longer.

 

 

We must choose to live in the truth of the Word of Christ. We must choose to live in the power of prayer. I need to pray. We need to pray. Praying is one of the most amazing things I do to see results in my life. Even when I don't feel like praying, even when it looks like there's no answers. Even when, and I've been here many times, I have not even known what it is I am exactly praying for or needing Him to work in. Times like this we can pray one sentence prayers, "Lord, please don't leave me where I am". "Lord, work your self into my heart". "Lord, help me to not miss the small moments". "Lord, help me to be the wife and mother you need me to be". "God please bring them back to you". "God, help my unbelief".

 

 

Our God is faithful to hear us, equip us, guide us, strengthen us, help us, and free us. When we believe Him, and choose to put ourselves in His presence we can be assured that He is faithful to answer. His peace will guard our hearts and minds. The circumstances may not change, they may get worse. The answer may come, though not as we want. We may struggle with the same thing the very next day and the day after that. But He never leaves us, He never stops working in us, His plans for us are never for anything but good. He never stops loving us. He sustains us, His power is made perfect in our weakness and His grace is sufficient. The enemy has no hold over us.

 

 

Will you join me, beautiful friend in living a life that overcomes the enemy to the praise of His glorious Name? I encourage you this week, to strengthen yourself through His Word and by writing out a list of verses that speak of the victories we have in Christ. Lean into him in prayer this week, and He will grant you the peace, the contentment and the power that can and should be yours.  

 

 If you're reading this and you don't know of Gods love for you, or you need some questions answered, please make sure you leave a comment. Sometimes we all need a listening ear.

 

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