FTF: Grief Covered In Grace (Part One)

Don’t do it! Don’t do it! God you’re going to have to give me something right here right now to stop me from jumping up in the middle of this Doctors surgery and screaming out "STOP!" at the top of my lungs!

I was reading ‘A Wife after God’s Own Heart’, by the amazing Elizabeth George, and I needed a confirmation verse that what was just about to happen was the right decision to make. I opened the book to page 49, and my eyes immediately fell on the words that read, ‘and the Lord had closed her womb’.

My husband was getting a Vasectomy.

We had discussed and wrestled and argued and prayed and came to the conclusion that our four blessings were the amount that we were to receive from God. I thought I was o.k. with all of this; logically thinking, four was a ‘big’ number to be responsible for and provide for financially, emotionally, individually etc. And after that confirmation verse, I thought that I probably shouldn’t argue with Gods direct answer to my desperate plea!

And everything went along smoothly and she lived happily and sanely ever after …

… yeah right!

Let’s backtrack a tad shall we? Before motherhood (B.M.), I was not long out of high school and had no clue at all what it is I wanted to ‘do’ with my life in terms of further study or career. I held a few part-time jobs; Woolworth's check-out chick, working at a Jewellers, Domino’s Pizza, then there was also a discount store where I worked for a while as a service cashier.

As you can see, my jobs were extremely glamorous and full of creative potential. They certainly were not going to give me a sense of long-term purpose, that’s for sure. I momentarily entertained the thought of studying teaching, but then I met a guy. The guy. After our dating days were beautifully concluded by our official engagement days commencing, we decided we would take matters into our own hands and begin being intimate with each other before we were wed. And I fell pregnant.

Why am I sharing this? To heap condemnation on myself and my husband again for past sins? No, I know we are, I am, he is, forgiven. And praise be to God that He really makes all things work together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

 

We asked for forgiveness (from many people we had disappointed as well as God), bought our wedding date forward, and decided then and there together, it was God’s way or no way. We were forgiven, but we now had bigger things to think of and the responsibility of parenting came much quicker than what we had foreseen. Opportunities for any extra study or career finding were now the last things on our minds. The options were gone.

It was only a short period of about five and a half months that we shared together as nine-teen and twenty year old ‘newly-weds’ before our first child, a son, was born (2002). I instantly fell in love with him and his squidgy baby cheeks, long dangly legs and arms and sweet nature. I fell in love with motherhood. I had found my purpose.

 

To be continued ...

 

I'll be posting the rest of my story in the next few weeks of 'Faith Talk Friday'. I was going to put it all in one post, but it's just way too long. For me, there was no point in telling of the goodness of God in my life in this situation, if I had to condense it and leave out parts that are most important.

 

I hope you'll join me next week. I hope that in sharing this story, you'll be encouraged with any situation that seems helpless in your life.

(I am linking up with Michelle DeRusha in her 'Hear it on Sunday, Use it one Monday' posts, where you will find a community of women who share their lessons from the Lord ... be encouraged!)