Last night I had a really terrible sleep. Actually for the last seven or so nights I've not been able to switch my mind off and drift into that deep, restful state. How I miss it. I do enjoy the ideas that pop into my brain though, but last night I was awake thinking about things that I think I'm failing in as a mother.
One thing that I'm trying to teach into my kids hearts is kindness, another is compassion. Man do I feel like I'm failing with this. All the time. It's something that I do model, with God's help. But with my four kids arguing quite often at the moment, I'm at a loss as to how to 'calm the storm' so to speak. You know the ones? Ones where there's dobbing and squabbling and name calling and ... on it goes.
I just couldn't figure out what to do to change things as I lay there wide-awake. I tip-toed out to the kitchen in the dark of the night, where the light of the fridge illuminated the magnet on the freezer door while I poured a small glass of milk. I read it as I sipped and let its message sink into my head.
Pray more worry less.
I realised that's what I need to do. I have been in prayer about this, but I need to more and more. And so, I went back to bed, snuggled under the warmth of the doona and started to really pray about this situation. I still don't have clear answers and solutions to help with this, but I do know that God is faithful to really answer and show us what to do as it's His desire to see our kids characterised by kindness and compassion; especially towards each other.
One of my best friends, Esther's, favourite bible verse about mothering is found in
Isaiah 40:11
'He tends his flock like a shepherd, he gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart. He gently leads those that have young.'
This is such a comforting verse as it reminds us that He gently leads us. He is understanding, He knows we haven't got all the answers, He knows the up-hill battles. He sees how we beat ourselves up as mums about things that we think we're failing in that are breaking our hearts.
We really need to be praying about these things more than worrying about them. I am carried close to his heart; my husband and children are carried close to his heart. And although I feel like I'm failing as a mother at times, the truth is, I'm not. God sees my heart, He sees your heart. We're not failures, we stuff up, but we're not failures.
I hope this week we can remember together that our God loves us, He sees how we love our children, He sees our mother's hearts. We're not failures as mothers ... let's keep going and give him our worries, letting him gently lead us as we go.
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